Once I Was Lost

Luke 15:31-32
 31’The father said, “My son, you are with me always and all I have is yours.
32 But it was only right we should celebrate and rejoice, because your brother here was dead and has come to life; he was lost and is found.” ‘
  I wanted to reflect upon yesterday’s readings today, to show that the Father is always with us, and to give all readers a background of my spiritual journey, and tests of faith, as I think I owe this to all, but most importantly to show the undying love that God has for us, and that it is never too late.  I grew up raised and Confirmed as an Anglican in Charleston, SC.  Member of Saint Vincent’s Association for Altar servers, etc.  I never denied my faith.  Became an Army Officer after College and turned to much sin.  Drinking, womanizing, the whole works.  But I was always drawn to the Catholic Church, but never went.  Then, 2 1/2 years ago, I lost my mother to a rare and very aggressive form of cancer.  I was lost, and in much pain.  Depression got the worst of me.  I went searching.  I found at the time Buddhism.  I studied veraciously  learning different Buddhist techniques, different sects of Buddhism.  Trying to suppress anything and any feeling I had inside of me.  But it never gave me the same joy as that of the Holy Spirit within me.  I just refused to listen.  After a year and a half, I attended an Ash Wednesday Service, and the Lord was there, just as he always had been.  The Holy Spirit within me was talking, and talking loudly!  I had forgotten my faith, I had forgotten my family, and most of all forgotten to be a loving husband.  I had died on the inside, and the Lord, in all His love, was there for me, to bring me anew, to let me live again.  I was brought into the Catholic Church this past  Easter Vigil (2013), and this has been the most remarkable period of my life.   To share in his gift of Holy Eucharist and to partake of His most blessed gift on that day, I cannot and will not even try to summarize in words.   I have learned to be a loving father, and loving husband, and to love the Lord more and more than I ever though possible, because He has blessed me with such gifts, although I fail almost daily. For those who don’t understand faith, it is hard to comprehend, but for me, the Lord has given me more than I could ever ask for, more than I deserve.  His suffering for my redemption is incomprehensible, and I cannot ever begin to understand in my earthly live the type of Love he shows me everyday, even in the darkest of times, and difficult situations.  But this I know.  He was within me, He never left me, even when I tried to block Him out, and He will always be there for me, with the gift of His Holy Spirit.  All I had to do, was just listen.  Listen.  Listen for his Love, don’t deny His Gift.  One I was lost, but now, I have been truly found.  God Bless!  

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